It is normal to feel insecure. Everyone feels anxiety from time to time. Some of us more than others. Bullies prey on our anxieties and make us worry about our reputation. The secret to beating them? Understanding that – they can’t actually ruin your reputation.
We humans are tribal animals. This means, we have an instinctual need to belong to a tribe. Bullies threaten their victims with social exclusion. This means they try and hurt people’s reputation with the social group. This causes people to have fear and anxiety about what the bullies are doing.
The secret to beating them is to understand, they don’t actually have the power to exclude you. And… they are probably doing this to a lot of people and not just you.
If you are nice to people, other people will notice. If you are friendly, other people will notice. A bully might tell you that no one likes you, but that is rarely true. You, just by being a nice person, are having a positive impact on people and those other people appreciate you.
This happens in the adult world too. I volunteer in a group and one of my fellow volunteers called me up. She was upset and afraid I was mad at her. Why? Because someone else was upset with her and said everyone agreed with them. This was the first I had heard of it and no – I didn’t agree. I thought this volunteer was doing a great job.
Don’t believe the lies of a bully when they tell you – no one likes you. They might not like you, but they are speaking for themselves.
The best thing you can do is continue to be nice and instead of focusing your energy and anxiety on the one person who doesn’t like you, focus on the people who do. That way, you will feel less alone and you will be less easy to bully because you will KNOW they are lying.
Is this easy to do? No. It takes practice. You have to be compassionate with yourself when your anxieties and fears assault you and remind yourself that this bully is probably lying.
The other thing I want you to remember is this. When you see someone being bullied, make sure the victim knows, you like them. You don’t necessarily have to do this in the group. You can do it privately if you like. Just think about what you wish people would do for you when you are targeted by a bully and do that for others.
If you want to learn the exact skills required to make a bully stop so that you can stand up to them and still maintain your cool – the material on this website is free for people who register. I also accept donations.