This isn’t an April Fool’s day joke. It’s really possible to do. There is a science to it actually – and that is what I teach and all my materials are free!
Bullying is a behavior and behaviors can be managed and controlled. We do this through a system of rewards and consequences.
The way to stop a bully is to remove the reward they get. Often that is – your attention. Or your fear. Confronting them with calm compassion – is a great way to do that.
If you get angry – they are controlling you. If you are afraid – they are controlling you. If you are quiet – they think you are submitting to their control – and they count that as a win.
If you stand up without fear – they lose. The way to do that – and remain calm – is to think about compassion – for yourself and for them. Don’t be made at them, feel bad that they don’t know how to behave well and encourage them to stop. They won’t, but that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours.
Once you stand up – they will probably try to get you to back down. Don’t. Either stare at them or report them. Again – not out of anger, but to help them stop.
Repeat as necessary – and it will be necessary. Bullies don’t just stop because you ask them to. They stop because – when you don’t run in fear of them – they lose face. And the more you defy them – the more it becomes clear – they can’t control you. And eventually – they will leave you alone.
To help them get there – and if they start being more aggressive – start reporting them. Every time you report them – you are helping them learn that bullying doesn’t work. At least – not with you.
Will they get mad you reported them? Sure. Report them anyway. If you do what they want – they control you. If you do what is right – despite the pressure they put on you – you are showing them – they can’t control you. And that is going to make them afraid of you. And yes – people get angry when they get afraid.
This is the point where you know you are now in control. What you did – they didn’t like. The more mad they get with you – the more afraid they are of you. You are now controlling their behavior.
What happens next – well – once they learn that hassling you results in them getting in trouble, and their attempts to cow you into NOT reporting them are clearly failing – they will probably try to steer clear of you. They may periodically try and “get” at you. But just go back to reporting them if they do.
Know this – you are not helpless. You have the ability to do this. And while it’s scary at first, it will get easier as you practice these skills. Eventually – you will be fearless.
If you want to learn exactly how to use behavioral management techniques on a bully – all the material on this website is free. There are free video lessons, blog posts and more. Even a free toolkit for people who are experiencing a chronic bullying situation.
If I can help you – please let me know. All I ask in return – is that once you have learned this – you share the information with others. The more people learn how to stop bullies with dignity and compassion – the better our world will be. So please share my website with others.