Do bullies hate their victims? Probably not.
Often, the bully has their own problems they are dealing with that has nothing to do with the victim. The victim or target is just convenient.
I realize this bit of knowledge doesn’t make being targeted by a bully any easier. What it can do though, is help you not take it personally. Meaning, just because you are being targeted, doesn’t mean you have to internalize the anger and attacks being directed at you. What’s happening – isn’t about you. It’s about the bully.
This is why I keep saying respond to bullies, not with hate, but with compassion.
This is the cover of my book. The image shows a bully trying to target a little girl (wearing multi-colored striped socks – which is a story in the book).
The girl is surrounded by a force field of compassion. When you think of a bully with compassion, a funny thing happens. You are no longer hurt by them. And that’s pretty amazing. When you stop being hurt by a bully – they stop thinking it’s fun to bully you. It really does help to not just protect you – but to get the bullying to stop.
I teach compassion to adults too. When they go into the world and try the exercises I teach them about applying compassion in the difficult situations they face, they say – it’s changed everything for them.
It’s amazing that such a small tweak to how you think can make such a big difference. So don’t hate your bully, feel compassion for them. And get the book.