When we are upset or being targeted by someone mean – the last thing we want to do is feel compassion for them. I get it. It’s hard to feel caring for someone who is actively and aggressively being mean to you. It’s still the right thing to do.
The most effective anti-bullying skill is almost never taught. Acting out of anger makes things worse. The most effective tool for combating bullying is compassion. Unfortunately, we rarely teach that skill.
So how does this work? First – stop feeling sorry for yourself. Their behavior isn’t about you – even if it is directed at you. When you stop feeling sorry for yourself – you start feeling better … immediately.
Second. Start considering how sad someone has to be to be so mean. When people are angry – it’s usually because they are scared. They are acting out to hide the fact they are scared.
When you realize the other person is just a kid like you and probably scared – instead of feeling bad for yourself – you feel bad for them. And again – this is a HUGE improvement over feeling sorry for yourself.
Will your compassion help the bully? Probably not. But it will make you feel better.
The other thing it will do is help you think calmly and rationally about what to do the next time it happens. What can you say? How might you say it? Practice saying it – and be ready for the next time. Don’t argue with them. Just – tell them to stop and if they don’t – report them.
My tai chi instructor used to tell us – if someone attacks you – bring them close them through them away from you with love. You don’t do this to harm them – but to protect yourself. It’s their problem they are behaving badly. Not yours.
Feel sorry for them – and if they attack – throw them away with love – not anger.
Again – I have a lot of free materials, blog posts, video lessons, tips and even a toolkit to help you learn how to make this behavior stop. So if you are dealing with a bully – go ahead and view my free lessons and learn how to make it stop without stooping to their level.
It really is possible to maintain your dignity in the face of bullying and you will feel good about yourself when you master these skills. You will also be able to help others. So once you learn this – help others by sharing this website with your friends. Thanks!