When someone lies

It is very distressing when someone lies about you. So how should you respond?

It is very tempting to argue with someone lying about you. After all – how will people know the truth – if you don’t tell them?

The problem is … arguing about a lie – validates the lie as having merit – meaning – there may be some truth to it.

Not responding – silence, can be seen as giving in and that is not good either.

So, what should you do? Just say – that’s not true. If people ask for more – refuse. Why should you discuss something that isn’t true. If someone feels compelled to lie – that is their problem.

You address it – by refusing to address it. This isn’t silence. This isn’t arguing. It’s just – the other person clearly has a problem – you don’t.

Yes – I have used this technique many times. Yes. It works. Is it easy to do? No. It takes quite a bit of courage and confidence to pull off. How do you find that courage? With practice.

If someone is lying about you – view them with compassion. If they lie to your face – pleasantly and nicely and without malice say – that isn’t true. If they argue – say – I’m not going to argue with you. You are mistaken. And leave it at that.

The bully does not get the fight they wanted. You made it clear – whatever was said was not true. That is all you need to do.

Probably the hardest part of all of this is trusting that others will see through the lie.

One of the reasons to not argue is because – when you argue – other people see what is happening as a fight and that you must be partly to blame because it takes two people to fight.

If you instead, stand your ground without fighting, others see that and get that this is one sided. And if it’s one sided – the person fighting nothing is the problem person.