To me, compassion is the most important value. It helps us stay calm in the face of someone not behaving properly. It helps us choose our response to a problem person who is trying to upset us. And it helps ensure that whatever action we take, it will be consistent with our moral values, that are grounded in … compassion.
When someone is behaving in a way we don’t like, we can choose our response. The way to get a bully to stop is to stop rewarding them. And we do that, through compassionate non-compliance. And I realize that is a big word. It just means, nicely … don’t give them what they want.
If a bully wants you to be scared, don’t be. Be nice to them. I realize this seems counter intuitive, but it really does work.
If a bully wants you to be upset, don’t be. Be nice to them instead. Again, this seems counter intuitive, but it really will work.
If you don’t give a bully what they want, they will fuss and try to get you to behave the way they want, but if you nicely refuse, they will eventually give up and move on to someone else.
One of the best ways to be in the frame of mind that you can be nice to someone who is being mean is to feel compassion for them. Something is wrong with them that they are behaving badly. Maybe they are upset or scared or worried or anxious and they don’t know how to deal with it. Maybe someone is bullying them and they are acting out as a result. By feeling compassion for them, it makes it easier to be nice to them. The nicer you are, the more others will notice and your status will improve. Maybe not with the bully, but with the people who are watching what is going on.
The best part about being nice is, you can feel good about yourself.
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