It’s hard to be a compassionate person when you are afraid. You may not feel like it and you may think your anger is justified. Here’s a little tip. Compassion will help you feel better – immediately. Do this for you, not your bully.
Being bullies is scary. For no reason, someone is being mean to us and it’s unfair. People who are bullied have a LOT of things go through their heads. Does everyone agree with the bully? Why me? Lots of emotions, including anger and frustration. Embarrassment.
To get a bully to stop, we have to stop rewarding them. The problem is, our instinctual emotional response to having someone harass us – is to feel harassed. The way to make sure that the bully is not rewarded – is to have a different response. One that shows – they did not succeed. That’s the first step anyway.
How can you show a bully you weren’t harassed by them? That’s what “standing up to a bully” is all about. Showing them – they didn’t bother you and more importantly, that you won’t tolerate their bad behavior. A really great way to do this is by feeling compassion – rather than anger and fear.
I realize anger and fear – feel justified. And they are. But they aren’t going to help you make the problem stop. What I want you to try doing is when you realize you are feeling angry and afraid, to acknowledge those emotions then choose to think of yourself and other people – compassionately.
What do I mean by compassion?
Everyone has problems. You have problems, your bully has problems. Everyone has problems. I want you to consider not just your own problem, but – the possibility that the person harassing you has problems too. When you do this – you stop focusing on your own hurt and fears. And that’s a good thing.
Would you rather feel hurt -and fearful? Or compassion for someone else? I’d rather feel compassion.
This is something that takes practice. You have to choose to do it. The benefit to doing it is immediately. YOU – are less bothered by what the bully is doing. And by not being bothered, you have removed the reward the bully gets from bullying you. Or one of the rewards anyway.
What happens next – is that they may try harder to make you upset. The more you practice compassion for them – the harder it will be for them to upset you. The harder you are to upset, the more fearless you become.
Try it – you will be surprised at how much better you will feel.