We all have our moments when we feel angry and/or afraid. The question is – how well can we control our response when this happens? 
One of the technique a bully uses – is they try to make up upset. If you are angry or afraid – that’s good for them. Because – now they can control you and more importantly – ostracize you.
Learning how to control our fears and by extension – our anger – is an important life skill. And everyone struggles with it. The good news is with practice, you can be less afraid and less prone to anger based impulse control problems.
How, by practicing compassion. It’s ok to get angry. We all get angry and some things are worth getting REALLY upset about. The problem is that fixing the problem – often requires us to be strategic in our thinking and our actions. And anger makes strategic thinking hard to do.
To help myself overcome this problem – I use compassion. Not to excuse the bad behavior – but to help me think less – retaliatory and more strategically – about how to fix the problem. I can chose my behavior and so chose the likely outcome of any interpersonal dynamic. I have power and am empowered when I can chose my behavior. That – makes me fearless.
It really doesn’t matter what the other person is doing – I can chose my response and so control the dynamic that is playing out.
What behavior works? Compassionate responses. Seriously. It does. It catches the other person off guard AND it helps witnesses see clearly – that you are not the problem.
A bully wants you to be upset because then – they can play off what they are doing as a conflict. If you are angry and afraid – then they can claim – you are part of the problem. If you are compassionate and nice – then – it’s clear to everyone – THEY are the problem.
If – they start being nice when you are nice – then you both win! (Hint – this isn’t unusual – when you stop treating someone as if they are a threat to you – they may just stop treating you as if you are a threat to them).
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