Bullying and harassment is hard. It impacts our self esteem and sometimes, we just need to take care of ourselves.
I recently watched the Jonas Brothers documentary – chasing happiness. It was really good.
The part that struck me the most was Kevin Jonas’s story. He was bullied in school. And it was pretty clear – that experience – shaped how he experienced – pretty much everything.
His brothers apparently didn’t experience that and were working in NYC as actors on broadway. And during their formative years as teens – they were famous. So – they never had the experience of not being cool.
Kevin – only became cool AFTER he graduated high school.
And it was clear watching the documentary – as they were discussing things they are still angry about – that he was holding on to anger towards his brothers.
What was nice – is – he still loves his brothers and has a good relationship with them.
But it does explain a bit of his retreat into married life and away from performing etc.
As I’ve been thinking about it – I think what he did was good. He engaged in self care. He needed to be away from them for a while and he could afford to – so he did.
And this is true of all of them. They all needed to be away from each other for a while and find their identify as individuals before they could come back and be a band again.
The thing that struck me the most is that – his brothers didn’t’ intend to hurt him. They didn’t have the same experiences he did and the same triggers and they were going through their own stuff.
Which is why – as much as you need to take care of yourself. Take care that anger is not part of your self care.
Anger helps us defend ourselves, but it also drives a wedge between us and others. If you need to take space for yourself, do so. But try not to indulge in narratives about how horrible other people are. Chances are – they aren’t horrible. They are just working through their own problems.