Victims of bullying often experience hate. They hate the bully and they hate that they are being bullied.
Hate is a protective emotion. It takes our fears -and turns it into actionable energy. In the case of bullying, we are afraid of our bully – so we hate them. And we are afraid we will continue to be hurt – so we hate the situation we find ourselves in.
The problem is – that hate isn’t rational. It’s a realistic response, but it doesn’t always help us come up with a strategy that will actually work to solve our problem. Most of the time when we are in the throws of hate – we just lash out – randomly and ineffectively.
What we really should be doing – is coming up with a strategy to fix the situation and get the bully to stop. This requires rational thinking. Hate doesn’t help us get there. So as comforting as it is to hate – if you want the bullying to stop, you need to stop hating and start thinking rationally and compassionately.
I find it’s helpful to start with myself and to acknowledge the fears I have. This can be hard to do because our anger is trying to protect us from our fears, but until we confront our fears – our hate will control us.
So have compassion with yourself. It’s ok to be afraid. Once you acknowledge that, you can start creating a strategy to fix it so that you can stop being afraid. The best antidote to feeling helpless – is to do something constructive.