It’s Not about You

How many times have you been told, that when you are bullied, it’s not about you. Your first thought is – of course it’s about me – it’s happening to me!!!! Well, yeah – but it’s still not about you.

bullytip25bravado ran a really cool series of articles about writers confronting their childhood bullies – see:

It’s an eye opening read. First the lesson is that for the bully – it’s not really about the victim. They are just convenient. The bully is dealing with their own issues which loom large for them and they don’t always make good choices about how to deal with their stress.

The 2nd lesson is that the bully doesn’t want what they did to be about them either. This is all about distancing themselves from themselves by projecting their pain onto others. Diverting attention away from themselves. The problem is that this doesn’t work. It doesn’t take away their pain – all it does is spread it around.

But it does explain why most bullies not only don’t remember bullying they often have fond memories of the person they bullied. Because at least their victim wasn’t mean to them.

So the next time you find yourself dealing with someone who is spilling their pain and anguish all over the place and onto you – remember, it’s not about you. The problem is that the bully is hoping it won’t be about them either. And feel compassion for them. Isn’t that better than feeling sorry for yourself?

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